This article will explore some of today’s popular dessert practices and the research behind them so you can avoid the inevitable power struggle and mental tug of war at the end of the day and feel good about feeding your family – no matter what dessert route you choose to take.
Dinner ended 8 minutes ago. The dinner where your child reported they were full two bites in and not-so-politely declined your suggestion that they check in with their belly because this was it. After dinner the kitchen would be closed.
Now, the kitchen is closed and they’re suddenly staaaarving with a specific hunger that only dessert can fill.
You’re taking deep breaths as you go through the mental gymnastics of wondering what’s worse – letting their whines escalate to a full blown meltdown, laying down the law with dessert (and risk the withholding leading it to them wanting dessert even more), or giving in and having dessert replace dinner yet again.
Dessert is a big topic in the parenting and nutrition world. So much seems to have changed since you grew up, when dessert was routinely served after the meal, earned for eating well, was as simple as a piece of fruit, or not even such a hot topic in the first place.
Today, dessert is a thing. And it’s a thing that almost every expert has an opinion about.
This article will explore some of today’s popular dessert practices and the research behind them so you can avoid the inevitable power struggle and mental tug of war at the end of the day and feel good about feeding your family – no matter what dessert route you choose to take.
Dessert With Dinner? An Approach for Picky Eaters
Is Dessert Okay for Kids?
While in an ideal world, dessert would be neutral, just another food, no more special or desired than carrots or a turkey burger, the reality is that sweets are viewed culturally as treats. It seems nearly impossible for any child to grow up without knowing that desserts are tasty and different from other foods they meet at mealtimes.
We’ll explore some of the popular dessert serving options below, but it’s important to know that there is no “right” way to serve desserts (sorry!). As with most parenting practices, every family should make the decision that works best for them.
Here’s the recommendation I make to parents in the Eating with Ease Programs: pick a plan and stick with it.
One of the hardest parts about that end-of-day demand for sweets is needing to make a decision in the moment. Every request puts you on the spot and you’re going through all the reasons why you should and shouldn’t offer a sweet treat – what it means if you do and what happens if you finally crack down and say no.
Take away the guesswork by having a plan. Maybe you follow the “dessert with dinner” trend below. Maybe dessert only happens once a day, on weekends, or every other night. Maybe kids can pick dessert or maybe sometimes Mom says it’s fruit and that’s what it is.
I love this for eliminating the inevitable after-dinner requests, the battles, and the need for you to make one more decision when you’re already zapped at the end of the day.
Ditch This Dessert Practice
While there’s no single “right” stance to take on dessert, there’s a tactic it’s smart to steer clear of: bargaining, bribing, or using rewards.
When dessert is used as the reward for eating other foods a lot of not-so-great things can happen: it can decrease their preference for those foods (even foods they like), further increase their desire for sweets, promote an emotional relationship with food, and even drive picky eating.
Another approach to avoid? Overly restricting sugary foods. Putting the big kibosh on desserts can have the same repercussions as using them as rewards.
Dessert Do’s
So the big takeaway here is to find a consistent routine that works for you – one that doesn’t seem restrictive and takes desserts off of their tasty pedestal.
Here are a few dessert options you can consider:
Serving Dessert With Dinner
Kill two birds with one sweet stone – serve dessert with meals. This equalizes the after-dinner treat and eliminates a gametime decision every single night.
Offering dessert with the rest of the dinner foods can help reduce the novelty and value around it. By dissolving the hierarchy around food items, over time, your child will become less fixated on dessert foods.
Feeding expert Ellyn Satter recommends this approach for demonstrating that all foods can be included in a balanced diet.
This doesn’t work for every family. When you first place a highly valued food item like dessert on your child’s plate alongside less exciting or even non-preferred items, they might go for dessert first – or even exclusively. Over time, the dessert novelty should wear off.
But some kids might never unlearn that dessert is in fact special and a nightly brownie before broccoli routine might not feel right for every parent.
Serve Dessert After Dinner – Without Boundaries
The thought of cookies and cauliflower sharing a plate might just not seem right to you and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re destined for a dessert-themed disaster every single night. Dessert doesn’t have to be included with dinner for it to work.
Instead, try setting clear expectations and boundaries around dessert in your home. Think about how often, how much, and what – how often is it on the menu, how much of a serving is appropriate, and what is included on the dessert menu. You can take it a step further to create expectations around who decides what the nightly item is.
The only pitfall you want to avoid with this method is a conditional dessert – you can have dessert if you eat a certain item or a certain amount.
Making Dessert More Inclusive
Whatever route you take, it might help to expand your child’s understanding of what dessert can be – and include some options that feel more wholesome for you, too.
The dessert umbrella might include a single piece of candy, fruit, yogurt with sprinkles, or chocolate milk. Or sometimes it’s a big bowl of ice cream.
By including a mix of wholesome and more traditional dessert items in the dessert definition, you’re expanding the notion of what a “treat” is without any restrictions, while also balancing the overall nightly sugar load.
Share in the comments: how does your family do dessert?
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